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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24285472">It's Just A Self-(Destructive) Way That Stops You Having To Be Human</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunterByDayWhovianByNight/pseuds/HunterByDayWhovianByNight'>HunterByDayWhovianByNight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Start Consuming Like A Human [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Clone Wars, Definitely OOC, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Episode: s2e9 Grievous Intrigue (Clone Wars), Forehead Touching, Lightsaber Battles, M/M, Secret Relationship, Touch-Starved, What-if Challenge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:21:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,198</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24285472</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunterByDayWhovianByNight/pseuds/HunterByDayWhovianByNight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“...if we are going to be kind, let it be out of simple generosity, not because we fear guilt or retribution.” ―J.M. Coetzee</p><p>What if Grievous surrendered to Obi-Wan?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Grievous | Qymaen jai Sheelal/Obi-Wan Kenobi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Start Consuming Like A Human [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759057</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>112</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello!!! This is my very first foray into the world of Clone Wars fanfic (and also my first time writing Obi-Wan and Grievous). I've been binging a metric fuckton of Clone Wars in the last week, so I figured some fanfic was long overdue, especially since I'm done with classes now. Please enjoy this angst angst angst that I wrote for my friend Lee and I. ALL of the credit to them for such amazing ideas and scenarios; without them, this fic (and series) would not exist. Title is inspired by "Sincerity Is Scary" by The 1975.</p><p>~Hunter</p><p>P.S.: Be sure to check out my Anakin and Ahsoka (can't believe I have to say this, but non-ship) series, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756915">The Space Between Us</a> if you like my Clone Wars stuff!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A re-imagining of the saber battle in "Grievous Intrigue."</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> The good General and I have a history. He’ll want to meet face-to-face.  </em>
</p><p>The words he spoke to his fellow Jedi on the bridge only a short while ago rang through Obi-Wan’s mind as he watched General Grievous enter the small control room. He was backed against a panel, lightsaber in hand. His heart raced as the droid accompanying Grievous semi-circled him and Grievous approached him, his own (stolen) lightsabers brandished with ferocity. The sight was terrifying. The lightsabers in his hands, claws, whatever you wanted to call them, reminded Obi-Wan just how ruthless Grievous had become over the years. How brutal, how kriffing <em> heartless </em>he was. Obi-Wan didn’t like to think too hard about who owned those lightsabers. He feared that one day his own saber would find itself in the clutches of Grievous, but he hoped it would not happen any time soon. </p><p>“Tell me, do you think Skywalker has rescued Master Koth yet?” Grievous asked with a snarl in his voice, narrowing his yellow slits for eyes. It boiled Obi-Wan’s blood to hear the name of such a good man come from Grievous’ mouth (or lack thereof). He wished it wasn’t like this, that things could return to the way they were before the war. He was lucky to be a Padawan in a relatively peaceful time; he thought back to Ahsoka shielding the eyes of the younglings with her. They would never know a time without war. Too many good Jedi were being lost to this war. If only… if only he could change Grievous, make him leave the Separatists. Countless lives would be saved, no doubt, as a result. He had to try, even if it did seem to be a fruitless effort from where he was presently, backed up uncomfortably to the control panel and negative energy in the Force fizzling like hot oil all around him.</p><p>Obi-Wan fought off the droid and Grievous desperately as they began to attack him, parrying and dodging out of the way of their weapons until he found himself yet again being backed into a corner. The too-familiar clashing sound of his lightsaber against the electric-charged staff and Grievous’ sabers cut through his ears and the light made on their contact blinded him. He winced each time, going on the defensive to protect himself. He feared the worst, but he knew that he had to, at the very least, <em> try </em>to appeal to Grievous, make him see just how meaningless this all was. He was tired. He was sick of fighting. He no longer felt the excitement of battle or the adrenaline rush of a saber fight. He had to try.</p><p>Because what Grievous didn’t realize was that he was a pawn in Count Dooku’s game, in the Separatist’s game. Grievous wanted power, that much was obvious, but he was not quite so valuable to the Separatists as he thought. He was nothing to them, just a machine who could swing some lightsabers and threaten the Jedi out of their wits. But Obi-Wan knew that beneath that robotic, mechanic body, beneath those “improvements,” Grievous was still a man. There was still enough Kaleesh in him to change; if he had been any more machine, any efforts to get through to him would be hopeless. Obi-Wan felt, in the Force, that this change was possible. It filled him with hope and strength to rally against Grievous’ onslaughts.</p><p>“Your plans have come to ruination, Jedi!”</p><p>“I hear a lot of talking, General, but in all the final accounting, what does all the talk get <em> you </em>?” Obi-Wan spat out, blocking Grievous and the droid’s assaults. He was impossibly close to the control panel now; he was trapped. All he had left was his saber and his words. “A futile quest for power, a mutilated body, and your place as Dooku’s errand boy.”</p><p>Obi-Wan punctuated each phrase with a swing of his saber, his words fiery and electrically charged. He was speaking the truth to Grievous; when was the last time anyone had ever done so to him? Each thought was conjured up on command, each one more biting than the last. He knew that Grievous couldn’t stand his body, couldn’t bear to live anymore in pain, but he had no choice. He sacrificed any humanity (or the Kaleesh equivalent) to become mechanic, to become a cyborg. </p><p>With a rough jerk, Obi-Wan threw Grievous’ blue saber out of his way, calling him Dooku’s errand boy and pleading with his eyes for Grievous to just stop the fighting and <em> listen </em> to him. Grievous actually stopped in his tracks, taken aback for a moment by what Obi-Wan had called him. He huffed, clearly offended. <em> So he has thought about this before and knows it to be true, then, </em> Obi-Wan thought to himself. It almost broke his heart to know that.</p><p>“I’m no errand boy,” Grievous insisted, anger in his gruff, growling voice. “And I am not in this war for Dooku’s politics. I am the leader of the most powerful droid army the galaxy has ever seen!” </p><p>In a rare fit of anger caught up in self-preservation, Obi-Wan dispatched the droid standing between him and Grievous with haste, plunging his saber into its chest cavity. It was hollow, full of parts and metal; if he had done the same to Grievous, he would find a heart. Lungs. The last organic parts of him. He was frustrated. Why wasn’t Grievous listening to him? Why wasn’t Grievous hearing what he had to say? Was he really so insecure that he couldn’t handle the truth, or even just a little criticism? Obi-Wan wanted to bring Grievous out of his ivory tower, out of his foolish belief that attaining power through force and war and violence was sustainable. Clearly his accumulation of mechanic <em> improvements </em> had stripped him of humility and replaced it with power lust. </p><p>Grievous was broken. Grievous was so broken he could not even tell that he was being used by Dooku and the Separatists to do pissant jobs across the galaxy, to do the dirty work nobody wanted. To some, mechanics and droids didn’t have feelings and didn’t understand human interaction, which made them less deserving of respect. It was easier to be dismissive of non-organics. They treated Grievous suchly because he wasn’t fully organic; that much Obi-Wan could sense to be true.</p><p>To the Separatists with their army of expendable, mindless battle droids, General Grievous was just their aggrandized, over-sized, and similarly replaceable leader.</p><p>“An army with no loyalty, no spirit, just programming!” Obi-Wan shouted desperately, gesturing with the fallen droid’s electricity staff and feeling the rising waves of emotion well up in his heart. It was nearly enough to overtake him completely, but he had to channel all of that emotion into reaching Grievous. “What have you to show for all your power? What have you to gain?”</p><p>Obi-Wan took the briefest of pauses, raising his saber and the staff.</p><p>“The future!” Grievous triumphantly said, unlocking his two other arms and staring down Obi-Wan with such ire that the Force crackled around them and filled the pit of Obi-Wan’s stomach with fear. Grievous advanced on him, swinging two more sabers in his hands and bolting down the platform. “A future where there are no Jedi!”</p><p>With fear pooling in his whole chest and a lump forming in his throat, Obi-Wan defended himself from the ruthless assault from Grievous’ stolen sabers. He tried to put up the electricity staff to block the sabers, trying not to get grazed by their pure energy or maimed (he dared not to think killed) as he protected himself. Grievous’ humming mechanics rang in his ears as loudly as the thrum and swish of the sabers. The smell of oil and sweat filled Obi-Wan’s nostrils and the sparks and smoke of the now-destroyed staff made it difficult to breathe. In a last-ditch attempt to avoid being pressed up against the panel any further and killed there, Obi-Wan somersaulted over Grievous’ head and sabers.</p><p>But he was not so lucky. Grievous kicked him as he descended, making Obi-Wan cry out in pain and collide heavily (not to mention facedown as well) with the floor. There was no finesse to it, no saving himself. He lay helpless on the floor, could hear Grievous taunting him and advancing on him to the tune of <em> the story of Obi-Wan Kenobi ends here </em>and the clanking of his metal legs. Obi-Wan turned himself upright with a grunt— he’d have a bruise on his ribs and arms later, for sure— and opened his lightsaber to defend himself. He was discombobulated and overwhelmed. Nothing seemed to be enough. He felt dizzy and short of breath. He tried to find Anakin in the Force, reach out to him for strength, but Grievous’ presence, the ongoing battle, and the near-deathness of the moment made it difficult to concentrate.</p><p>There was no time to rest as Grievous struck down his sabers over Obi-Wan and loomed large over him. Obi-Wan felt scared in that moment; how was he going to transform this cyborg? How was he going to reach his heart and speak to him? How was staying alive <em> and </em> reaching Grievous even going to be possible, in the present circumstances?</p><p>Obi-Wan jumped out of the way, saber still brandished. He was lucky it hadn’t been knocked out of his hand or snatched by Grievous, which would have put him entirely at his mercy. The pair danced throughout the control room, hopping from main floor to platform with ease. The circuits in the control panels screeched and broke as their sabers clashed and took the panels as collateral. </p><p>And then what happened next was entirely what Obi-Wan feared would happen. </p><p>He was backed up against the control panel, his sole saber the only thing between his body and Grievous, with his four. He had the chance now to look deep into his yellow eyes, see how full of rage and fire and anger they were. See how tired he was, how depleted of life he managed to be. Grievous’ shallow, labored breaths were hot on his face and sent chills down his spine. The buttons and raised metal ridges of the panel dug into Obi-Wan’s back and he struggled to keep his saber raised despite the pain. His boots scrabbled against the slick durasteel platform as he tried to get leverage against all four of Grievous’ blades. Obi-Wan’s forearm and right shoulder burned as he struggled against the physical force of four lightsabers with a heavily-armored cyborg’s strength behind them. In that moment, all felt lost. </p><p>“Your friends shall die, Kenobi,” Grievous said intimidatingly as he pressed in further. His legs and chassis were so close to Obi-Wan’s body that he could feel the heat of his mechanics through his clothes. “And you shall soon follow.”</p><p>Obi-Wan managed to throw Grievous’ sabers off of him with a grunt and a burning in his arms, releasing him from his entrapment. He scampered away, trying to avoid being caught against a corner again. They were caught in a heated clash of sabers, the blades hitting each other with their distinctive sound and tremors. Obi-Wan didn’t have much time left to convince Grievous; their fight was becoming a losing one on Obi-Wan’s side. Summoning the Force, Obi-Wan flung Grievous’ body away from him, making him hit the wall and slump across the chair in front of the window. The four sabers went clattering across the floor, closing up and rolling out of sight.</p><p>“Surrender, General!” Obi-Wan shouted, pointing his saber offensively at him. It was a rough, dominant gesture, he knew, but his tone was weakened. He looked deep into Grievous’ eyes, tried to find the Kaleesh there, the <em> man </em>there. He panted, unable to recollect himself. “Surrender. Please. I know you don’t want to do this anymore.”</p><p>Obi-Wan swallowed the lump in his throat and let out a shuddering exhale as he mentally prepared himself to speak his next words. What he said next would make or break everything in the last ten minutes.</p><p>“How do you win when you’ve lost everything that matters to you, Grievous? How do you have a future when your body is deteriorating, your army dying? Even your <em> improvements </em>won’t see you to the end of the war, and then what does all your effort show for? Nothing. It shows for nothing. The Separatists think you’re expendable and worthless, but I know you’re so much more than that! I know that beneath all of this metal and your power-hungry persona, you’re just a man who wants to find peace. Stability. So surrender. Please, Grievous, I beg of you, surrender.”</p><p>He did not think that he would ever get so emotional pleading with Grievous. He also didn’t expect to ramble like he did and metaphorically spill his guts to the cyborg. His eyes and nose burned with the threat of tears, his heart sank. He sent a wave of emotion, feeling, <em> sensitivity </em>to Grievous’ mind through the Force; whatever was left of Grievous would be able to feel it, perhaps even respond to it. Grievous changed in that moment. Obi-Wan felt it in the Force, felt Grievous’ last organic parts respond to it.</p><p>Grievous fell out of the chair, crawling on his hand and knees dejectedly to Obi-Wan’s feet. Obi-Wan was shocked that his appeal actually worked and even more shocked that now Grievous was crawling to him. He heard what sounded like crying, accompanied by an onslaught of asthmatic coughing and heaving. Obi-Wan closed his lightsaber and let it clatter to the ground, out of his grip. </p><p>“I surrender, Obi-Wan,” Grievous said, clutching Obi-Wan’s robes in a tight fist. “I surrender, I surrender, I surrender.”</p><p>Obi-Wan sensed that Grievous’ plea was genuine through and through, unless he was doing an excellent job of lying. Grievous was here before him in a way that Obi-Wan would have never thought possible, and it shattered Obi-Wan to see him so broken down and emotional. It was evident that Grievous had only ever known anger and pain and loss; had he ever been permitted to release his emotions in a more healthy way? The way Grievous cried made it appear as if he had bottled up his insecurities and pain for decades. The sound of battle outside the cruiser became inconsequential. All that mattered was the cyborg at Obi-Wan’s feet, begging for peace and surrendering. </p><p>“I don’t know why I’m in this anymore,” Grievous confessed, looking up into Obi-Wan’s blue eyes. Obi-Wan felt a pang of pity sound through his chest and settle deeply behind his ribs. It was almost enough to bring tears to his eyes. He laid a gentle hand upon Grievous’ shoulder, trying to comfort him in some way. He feels Grievous lean into his touch. “I said all those things about the future, about the Jedi, about the power, but… none of it is turning out the way I thought it would.”</p><p>“What changed your mind? What made you see differently?” Obi-Wan asked. Grievous went into a violent coughing fit, his lungs clearly aggravated by his crying.</p><p>“What you said about Dooku… I know he doesn’t care about me. He just sees me as a droid. But I’m not a droid, I’m… I’m only half a droid. I thought, once, that being a droid would make me perfect. Would make me powerful. But now I’m nothing. Everything I had is falling apart, even my own body,” Grievous said. He groveled at Obi-Wan’s feet even further; Obi-Wan could sense that Grievous feared execution. Grievous had committed countless war crimes and would not simply be imprisoned for life. No. He was too dangerous for that. But that Grievous seemed to be lightyears away; the Grievous here and now, weeping at Obi-Wan’s feet for forgiveness and grace, begging to be shown a different way than all of this, was so different.</p><p>“Please, Obi-Wan, please,” Grievous pleaded. “Please forgive me. Tell the Jedi I’m done, tell them I’m willing to sit in a prison forever. I just want to be taken away from all of this. I regret it all. I deserve to rot for what I’ve done.”</p><p>Obi-Wan felt his eyes threatening to water. He was utterly speechless as Grievous rambled to him and spilled his guts for him. Grievous was entirely penitent for everything. How long had this been weighing on his mind? When was the first moment he began to suspect that his path towards power and success and domination was fruitless? Grievous grabbed Obi-Wan’s hands and held them against his forehead in total submission, which made Obi-Wan gasp in shock. This was nothing like the fierce, ruthless Grievous who nearly killed him minutes ago, who stalked him and stood imposingly over his fallen body. </p><p>“I don’t want to die, Obi-Wan Kenobi. I don’t want to die,” Grievous cried, chest heaving and coughing as he confessed his fear to him. Grievous tensed for a moment and squeezed Obi-Wan’s hands before reaching down and picking up Obi-Wan’s fallen saber. He pressed it into Obi-Wan’s hands and knelt back on his haunches, exposing himself to Obi-Wan. His chest cavity, the most sensitive place in his body, was on full display. An expert jab of his lightsaber would kill Grievous, end his reign of terror and genocide.</p><p>“But I am willing to die by your hand if you think that is the only way I can atone for the crimes I’ve committed against you and this galaxy.”</p><p>Once again, Obi-Wan dropped his saber; he didn’t want to kill Grievous, want <em>anyone </em>to kill Grievous. He knelt down to Grievous’ level so that they were eye-level. He held Grievous’ face in his hands, looking deeply into those yellow eyes, the last Kaleesh part of him the galaxy had the ability to see, and saw the same yearning for peace and stability. He brokenly smiled and saw Grievous let out a meager tributary of a tear from his eyes. It was probably all he was able to manage. </p><p>“I’m not going to kill you, General,” Obi-Wan said staunchly, sending calming and peace to Grievous’ troubled, chaotic mind through the Force. “I forgive you.”</p><p>And he genuinely did. Despite it all, Grievous was showing real change and real penitence. And who was Obi-Wan to deny forgiveness to someone so willing to reform, so willing to <em> die by his hand if he had so commanded it </em>in order to reform? Obi-Wan pressed their foreheads together gently, trying to connect with him and show him that things could be different, sending him images of solitude and peace. Grievous calmed down, taking deeper breaths, and leaned into Obi-Wan’s touch. Obi-Wan would put credits down on the bet that Grievous had not been touched in a loving, caring manner in a very long time. He finally felt a single tear slip down his cheek and stroked Grievous’s face gingerly with his fingertips. He shushed him, told him things were going to be okay, that he would help him, that he didn’t have to be in pain any longer. Grievous closed his eyes in happiness and released a relieved huff of air. His hands tightened around Obi-Wan’s biceps, trying to hold onto him for fear that he’d float away if he let go.</p><p>“But what about the—”</p><p>“You’re safe now. Don’t worry about them. I’ve got you,” Obi-Wan assured Grievous. “You don’t have to be scared anymore.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Obi-Wan and Grievous have a couple (emotional) days to themselves.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> All droids are required to stand down and deactivate by the orders of General Grievous. </em>
</p><p>They were Grievous’ last words before shutting down his commlink and severing all connections with the Separatists. He gave up his title of general, gave his stolen sabers to Obi-Wan, and discarded his Kaleesh cloak. His reign of terror, his genocide across the galaxy, was over now. It was a huge step for the Republic and the Jedi moving forward.</p><p>The two hustled onto an escape pod, careful to avoid the notice of any clones, droids, or Jedi. Obi-Wan decided that they would hide out on Saleucami for now, seeing that it was as neutral as one could get in this system. Grievous powered himself down temporarily; he was overwhelmed from the battle and the complete turnaround of allegiances. Obi-Wan felt the Force thrumming anxiously in the pod, both his and Grievous’. As they headed for the planet, Obi-Wan fired up his commlink to alert Anakin where he was headed.</p><p>“Anakin, I’ll be back with the fleet in two days’ time. I have Grievous,” Obi-Wan said through his commlink. He braced himself for Anakin’s flurry of emotions and questions.</p><p>“Why are you leaving with Grievous? That seems unwise.”</p><p>“He’s in shock. He can’t get imprisoned in this state. He was on his knees begging for my forgiveness.”</p><p>“Tell that to the clones and Jedi and innocents he murdered across the galaxy.”</p><p>Obi-Wan sighed. It was true. Grievous would inevitably be arrested, but he might be able to escape execution if Obi-Wan was careful enough. There was no guarantee that the Council or the Senate would allow Grievous to walk away from this even relatively free. </p><p>“I know. But I think we owe him some grace before he’s locked up for the rest of his life,” Obi-Wan said, the determination to prove himself deep in his chest. “Anakin… I got through to him. Doesn’t that mean something?”</p><p>And to that, Anakin had no witty remark or pointed jab.</p><p>“It still doesn’t settle right with me.”</p><p>“Two days, Anakin. Two days. I’ll send you coordinates.”</p><p>Obi-Wan turned off his commlink, not wanting to hear Anakin’s protests. <em> This had better be worth it, </em>he thought to himself as they entered the atmosphere. He braced himself on the controller and began the descent to the planet surface below. The landing was more or less a landing; it certainly wasn’t one of Anakin’s crash landings, but it was less than stellar for Obi-Wan’s tastes. Carefully, not wanting to injure him, Obi-Wan helped a now-awake Grievous hobble out of the escape pod and towards a nearby cave they happened to land by. Obi-Wan spread a blanket on each side of the cave for them to lay on, away from the hard rock. Grievous stayed to his side of the cave, turning his back to Obi-Wan and withdrawing from any interpersonal contact. Obi-Wan knew better than to prod Grievous with questions right now.</p><p>Grievous barely spoke the first evening on Saleucami, his eyes hollow and his actions minimal. Obi-Wan didn’t need to ask if he felt alright. The Force around them, especially packed into this cave, felt lifeless. Grievous was feeling loss, intense loss, and it tugged at Obi-Wan’s heartstrings. He wanted to comfort Grievous, ask him what the matter was, tell him that he could help. So he kept his distance, stayed on his own side of the cave as Grievous cooled down on his side. He’d come out of his shell sometime. Obi-Wan was certain he would.</p><p>In the middle of the night, Obi-Wan heard Grievous tossing in his sleep, shouting and making distressed noises. Obi-Wan woke up immediately and rushed to Grievous’ side, figuring that he was having a night terror of some kind. Anakin had these from time to time, especially in his early days of being a Padawan. If this bore any similarity, then Obi-Wan knew the best course of action to take was to lull the other back to sleep with a bit of the Force and ask them in the morning what happened in their dream. He laid a comforting hand on Grievous’ head and sent him a calming wave of the Force, shushing him and trying to calm him down. He stroked Grievous’ shoulder gently, surprised to find him so hot to the touch and purring when he did so. If Obi-Wan were more awake, he’d be amused by this piece of information, but right now it was the middle of the night after a long day of battle. </p><p>The next day, Obi-Wan woke with a start; he felt that something was off. It hadn’t helped that in his dream, Grievous had stabbed him with his own saber during their fight the day prior, towering over him and betraying his trust after “surrendering.” Obi-Wan hoped it wasn’t a vision of some terrifying thing to come. When he turned over, he saw that Grievous was sitting up against the wall of the cave, turning over one of the stolen lightsabers in his claws. He was looking at it intently, studying it, trying to know it. Did he remember killing for it? Who had it belonged to? A Master? A Knight? A Padawan? Obi-Wan didn’t want to consider if he had killed a youngling for it. The thought twisted his stomach. </p><p>Grievous must have felt Obi-Wan’s eyes on him because his head jerked up sharply and he laid the saber beside him, letting it roll away from his reach. He stood and left quickly, and Obi-Wan sensed his shame and guilt. Shame and guilt for murdering an innocent. The lightsaber was the physical representation of every war crime and every murder he had ordered. Now he knew why Grievous had thrust them hastily into his hands after calling off the droids, begging him to hold them. Their very touch must have frightened Grievous; it would explain why his eyes looked so empty as he held the saber moments ago. The saber could very well have carried some of the user’s Force on it still in some way, etched into the ridges or on the clip. </p><p>He followed Grievous out of the cave, jogging to catch up with him as he walked mindlessly into the clearing. Grievous seemed directionless and lost in his mannerisms, gait, and thoughts. And no wonder his actions mirrored his mental state: he had just given up his life path, his former paths for the future, his whole purpose. Obi-Wan would have felt the same way had this happened to him. And yes, Grievous turned away from the Separatists willingly, but the pain of seeing everything slip away and out of his grasp, the pain of realizing he was nothing but a scrap of metal to Dooku? That must have crushed him like a thousand tonnes of durasteel, like being in open space without a suit.</p><p>It was easy for Obi-Wan to read him and his thoughts since he was so vulnerable. He tried not to peer too deeply into Grievous’ head for fear of angering him or stumbling upon something he’d rather not, but all of Grievous’ most personal and sensitive memories were at the forefront of his mind. Obi-Wan saw his family, his tribe, his first battle as a Kaleesh leader, his major injuries, his first improvements surgery, his allyship with Dooku, his first meeting with him. Obi-Wan spied Grievous clenching his fists and sinking pitifully down to the ground. Again, Obi-Wan felt uneasy seeing such a powerful, imposing man shrunken down so small and reduced to nothing.</p><p>“Grievous?” Obi-Wan asked hesitantly as he approached the cyborg. He gingerly reached down and tried to touch his fingertips to Grievous’ shoulder, but he started and scrambled away in shock.</p><p>“Don’t touch me!” Grievous shouted, coiling away from Obi-Wan’s hand. Obi-Wan’s heart raced in fear and he panted, suddenly overwhelmed by the changing tides of the moment. </p><p>“I’m sorry! I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan apologized, raising his hands in front of him defensively, keeping space between him and Grievous. “I just wanted to know if you needed to talk. You were having a night terror last night.”</p><p>Grievous paused and sighed.</p><p>“Later, Kenobi. Not now. I need to think.”</p><p>“Alright,” Obi-Wan said calmly, letting out a heavy breath. He relaxed and walked back to the cave, thinking over the events that had just transpired. Clearly Grievous was still unstable and unable to communicate healthily. He had probably never thought deeply about himself, his choices, his life; if he had, it had not been for a very long time. The lack of emotional processing would explain why Grievous’ guard was down and all of his thoughts and memories on display. He sat in the cave, gazing at Grievous’ side and leaning his head forward to check on Grievous in the clearing. He frowned. This was certainly going to be a rough few days.</p><p>That afternoon, Grievous returned, his mood relatively improved and his actions more purposeful. He didn’t feel as restless. The Force surrounding them in the cave had tuned down, become more mellow. As Obi-Wan tapped out some coordinates to Anakin, he caught Grievous staring at the stolen lightsabers again, nestled atop a satchel near Obi-Wan’s blanket.</p><p>“Why do you care, Kenobi? Why did you try and reach me in the middle of our fight?” Grievous asked solemnly, refusing to make eye contact. His voice was still its usual gruff, robotic timbre. His eyes were still fixed on the sabers. “What made you so sure I would even listen to you, even care? I can’t seem to understand why.”</p><p>It was a good question. A loaded one. One that Obi-Wan hadn’t really considered before.</p><p>“I’m not sure. I knew a part of me knew that reaching out to you would help save countless lives, put the Separatists into an uncomfortable position. But why did I choose you over Ventress or Dooku? I don’t know.”</p><p>Grievous coughed, forcing him to break his contact with the sabers. Obi-Wan felt his pain, felt the shocks in his own lungs and chest. Grievous was so open, so unshielded, that Obi-Wan was having a difficult time deflecting his energy and emotions away from his own mind.</p><p>“I’ll never understand you, Kenobi,” Grievous said as he settled into the blanket. “Your optimism, your hopefulness. I would say it’s foolish, but it made me realize what Dooku was doing to me. How he… <em> used </em>me.”</p><p>“And you never thought about it before?”</p><p>“I wanted too much power. It was blinding. I didn’t deserve any of it. The man I was is no more. I would be shameful to my people if they saw me now.”</p><p>“Grievous…”</p><p>“It’s true. The only thing I deserve to have right now is a long imprisonment or death. You have to know the Jedi and the Senate will never let me be free.”</p><p>Obi-Wan gulped. “I know.”</p><p>“It’s useless,” Grievous said hopelessly, turning his head to face Obi-Wan. “I’m too much of a burden on you. I don’t know why you didn’t just kill me then and there on the cruiser.”</p><p>“Because, Grievous,” Obi-Wan said, standing and walking over to Grievous’ side of the cave, “because I knew that you would feel the most sorry for what you’ve done. I know now that you can change, that you will find a new path one day. You are capable of so much more than just being a lackey for the Separatists. You belong to <em> yourself </em>now.”</p><p>Grievous sat up and Obi-Wan sat on the floor beside him. They stared into each others’ eyes, uncertain of what would happen next. Grievous hesitated for a moment, raising his hands and curling his claws back, unsure if he should take the next action or not. He decided to follow through, and held Obi-Wan’s face in his claws. He pressed their foreheads together, mirroring Obi-Wan’s action from their battle the day before. Obi-Wan smiled and swore he could feel Grievous’ emotions soar into happiness. He felt Grievous’ claws curl against his face, in his hair and beard, and then Grievous exhaled slowly. Obi-Wan, too, felt a chill go down his neck and shoot down his spine; he felt unbelievably close to the cyborg who had once been his mortal enemy. His nemesis. He closed his hands over Grievous’ and allowed them to exist in that moment as the sun began to set outside. Obi-Wan could not remember the last time he’d been so close (at least physically) to someone else. In a rare moment of impulse, he leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Grievous’ mask, above the grille.</p><p>“Thank you, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”</p><p>They broke away from each other naturally, and Grievous’ eyes seemed all the more alive. Their hands were still twined when they broke away, but Grievous slipped his claws out of Obi-Wan’s fingers to lay them gently (as one could with claws, anyhow) atop the other man’s hands. The Force was full of light, and Grievous’ mind was full of happier thoughts, ideations of a better future. It made Obi-Wan smile. He sensed that Grievous was about to do something. </p><p>“I haven’t done this in front of another organic for a long time,” Grievous said as he reached for his face. Obi-Wan heard a faint hiss as what appeared to be his face came off, revealing it to only be a mask. </p><p>“I had no idea it was a mask,” Obi-Wan said breathlessly as Grievous removed it to show Obi-Wan his face. He had never seen a Kaleesh before, much less one unmasked, but he knew how important this must have been for Grievous to do. He was being vulnerable, open, <em> real </em> with him. If you had told Obi-Wan three days ago that he would have got <em> the </em>General Grievous not just to surrender but to call off the entire Separatist droid army and remove his mask, he would have called you insane. But here he was, in a cave with the former Separatist general, unmasked and completely vulnerable.</p><p>“This is who I am, Obi-Wan,” Grievous said. He leaned forward and pressed a similarly gentle, chaste kiss against Obi-Wan’s lips, careful to keep his tusks and teeth out of the way of Obi-Wan’s coiffed beard. Obi-Wan’s skin seared hot, the feeling of someone else touching him almost too much to bear. He pulled away not because he feared what would happen between them, but because his senses were in total shock.</p><p>“I feel honored that you would show me,” Obi-Wan replied. “I guess I’m special, then?”</p><p>Grievous had a brief coughing fit, forcing him to put the mask back on.</p><p>“You are,” Grievous affirmed. The sun was gone now, wholly disappeared under the horizon. The only light in the sky was the luminous moon, which glinted off their armor.</p><p>As they laid down on the same side of the cave together, Obi-Wan’s arms around Grievous’ sensitive torso, where he was less protected. The two breathed steadily as the moon rose higher and higher. Grievous was all sharp edges and rough metal, but Obi-Wan didn’t mind. He hadn’t been so close to someone in so long, and knew Grievous hadn’t either. It felt nice. Different and strange, but nice.</p><p>“Last night I dreamt that you killed me. In that room.”</p><p>“Oh.” Obi-Wan had nothing more to say. He hadn’t even sensed that Grievous was about to say something.</p><p>“I don’t hold it against you. That’s why I needed to think today, by myself. I needed to know how I feel about this… strange new life.”</p><p>“I understand,” Obi-Wan said, holding Grievous just a little tighter. “And I will do everything in my power to help the Council and the Senate understand your change.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Grievous’ near-burning, hot metal body permeated through Obi-Wan’s clothes and warmed him. The motors and circuits whirred beneath Grievous’ armor, flowing with his steady breath. Obi-Wan hoped that things could be different one day and that Grievous would be able to redeem himself, show the Council and the Senate that he had changed. Maybe he could even be convinced to help the Republic’s efforts, but that would take convincing of the Republic first.</p><p>Obi-Wan knew that this relationship was unconventional. He knew that Grievous’ surrender was unexpected and nigh-uncalled for in contrast to his previous actions, ruthless and cold and cruel. If only they could see the Grievous in Obi-Wan’s arms now: calm, assured, at peace. Then they’d understand. He'd be there for Grievous whenever, wherever he needed him.</p><p>All Obi-Wan could hope for now was that everything he did he had not done in vain.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Council offers Obi-Wan and Grievous a deal.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The deliberations to decide what to do with General Grievous now that he had surrendered, been captured, and seemingly reformed were long. The Jedi Council was conflicted on the course of action to take in the situation because of how unusual it was. Do they imprison him and use him for information? Do they publicly condemn him and execute him for his war crimes? Do they allow him to join the Republic’s army and lead clones in battle? It was not a matter to be handled lightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To say Obi-Wan was nervous about the results as he waited outside the Chamber was an understatement. He fiddled nervously with the sleeves of his robe and paced the floor, his thoughts returning to the last fight he had with Grievous. He surrendered. He got through to him. Grievous was afraid of dying; Obi-Wan had a feeling that Grievous’ fear of dying ran deep, so deep that he was willing to become mechanic and shed his mortality. Even if Grievous had lost his organic body, there had to be something left in him that made him doubt the Separatists and see the error of his ways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re willing to offer General Grievous a safe house where he will be imprisoned for the rest of the Clone Wars,” Mace Windu said with a controlled, steady voice. Obi-Wan felt a huge weight get lifted off of his chest and sighed with relief. “He will be tried for his crimes at the end of the war with the remaining Separatists. But if he proves helpful throughout the war, the Council is willing to let him stay under house arrest for life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure that will come as a relief to him,” Obi-Wan replied. He wondered about the logistics of this safe house, letting his mind entertain the idea of visiting him and sending him messages so they could stay in contact. Grievous, as far as Obi-Wan knew, had no real friends and probably had nobody in his life that he could trust. Dooku was using him as a scapegoat for after the war, the battle droids were brainless and offered no genuine companionship. Obi-Wan was really all he had in the galaxy in terms of a friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Entirely dependent, all of this is, on your word, Master Kenobi,” said Yoda. Obi-Wan turned so that he could make eye contact with Yoda. Yoda was one of the slim few who was also willing to give Grievous grace and offer him rehabilitation. Yoda peered up at him thoughtfully and Obi-Wan felt his presence in the Force prod against some of his mental shields, trying to see into his thoughts. Obi-Wan let them down, albeit slightly reluctantly, and allowed Yoda to see the events of the battle. He kept the kiss they shared in the cave locked tight behind a stronger shield.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand, Master Yoda.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And entirely genuine, he is?” Yoda asked. Obi-Wan figured that he saw Grievous saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know why I’m in this anymore</span>
  </em>
  <span> to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“General Grievous is not lying. He is genuinely disillusioned with the Separatists and wants nothing more to do with them. I would suggest that under his house arrest he receive counseling of some kind.” Obi-Wan didn’t realize that he was raising his voice and becoming more eager in his defense. He cleared his throat when he noticed the questioning eyes of the Council and straightened his back. “He is genuine. I can sense it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you tell?” Mace Windu asked. “How can you be so sure? The two of you have a history of fighting, are you letting that attachment blind you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not an attachment, Master Windu,” Obi-Wan said. A betraying part of his mind would disagree with that, though. That kiss in the cave, chaste as it was, would disagree as well. “And even if it was, he has no power over me. He surrendered to me at the battle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That surrender could be used to manipulate your trust later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Force moves around him differently now,” Obi-Wan said, shaking his head. Grievous was no longer a threatening presence in the Force to him. Though he was not a Force user in the slightest, the Force followed Grievous in a haunting way. The souls of dead Padawans and Knights and Masters clung to him like his durasteel armor. But when he surrendered and gave up the stolen lightsabers, Obi-Wan felt their presence begin to peel off Grievous. “He’s not the same man he was before his surrender.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you are willing to take the fall if he proves us wrong?” Mace Windu asked. “Say he kills and attacks Jedi in an escape attempt and contacts the Separatists again. Will you be willing to admit you were wrong about him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan gulped and steeled himself against Mace Windu’s query. It was a lot to ride on, and he’d be trusting Grievous with his reputation and life. It would be a weight on him for the rest of the Clone Wars. But the Council was offering Grievous life and a way out. He would be able to help Grievous rehabilitate and find peace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Approximately five hours later, Obi-Wan and a retinue of clones were escorting Grievous from the detention center to a transport so that he could be flown to a safe house hidden in the forest on Naboo. Grievous had been overjoyed when Obi-Wan told him that he was going to live and that he wouldn’t have to die for his crimes. While it was strange to see such an imposing, mechanic being broken down and expressing gratitude, Obi-Wan felt his heartstrings tug at seeing Grievous be open with his emotions. Stars knew how many years he had gone repressing every feeling other than rage and anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the transport, Grievous tapped his claws against the metal seat of the transport. Obi-Wan had insisted on removing the cuffs after they boarded the transport, but Grievous still kept his wrists together and in front of him like he was cuffed. It didn’t sit right with Obi-Wan to know that Grievous still thought himself worthy of mistreatment and punishment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenobi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Grievous?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grievous let out a labored sigh and went into a coughing fit. Obi-Wan offered a comforting hand on his shoulder, but Grievous brushed it off. “Will this turn out alright in the end?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so… the Council seems willing to make things easy for you so long as you comply,” Obi-Wan said as he settled his hands in his lap. “I want to help you, too. Take away your feelings of guilt and--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I never get over what I’ve done?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan held onto Grievous’ hand and looked into Grievous’ eyes. The tension was palpable and the Force was moving around them in a way Obi-Wan didn’t know how to describe. It wasn’t sinister or mellow… just indescribable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be there to help you. I’ll be there.” Grievous let out a few stray coughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan placed the memory of their kiss in the cave into Grievous’ mind, how happy he was in that moment, and how grateful he was that the Council was taking a chance on Grievous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>me, in ya brain: kudos/comment on this fic<br/>you: but why<br/>me, in ya brain: you gotta</p><p>~Hunter</p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30041877">A Lullaby Of War Drums</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/MasterD1mwitt/pseuds/MasterD1mwitt">MasterD1mwitt</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
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